Why Boys Need Fathers

Boys today are caught in a downward spiral, according to a new report by the UK Centre for Social Justice (CSJ). They are spending more time on screens, less time with other people, and less time outdoors. Many feel lonely, cut off and unsure of themselves. They are also doing less well at school and are less likely to flourish later in life.

Behind many of the statistics now emerging lies a simple and uncomfortable truth: too many boys are growing up without the guidance of a father or another stable male role model.

The CSJ’s recent report, Lost Boys: Mentors and Role Models, paints a troubling picture of the state of many boys’ lives in Britain. It notes that the happiness of children has fallen sharply in recent years. In 2010–2012, 36pc of boys aged 10 to 15 said they were completely happy with life, compared with 33pc of girls. Today, those figures have fallen to 27pc and 18pc respectively.

The report is based in part on consultations with dozens of charities working directly with boys and young men. Those charities described boys who are increasingly isolated, disconnected and lacking in direction. They also stressed that many are growing up without strong male role models. According to the report, 2.5 million children in Britain now live in a home without a father.

This is where family structure enters the picture. Too often, it is treated as an awkward subject, something best avoided. But it is impossible to understand the problems facing many boys without looking at the weakening of family life. Stable families do not guarantee success, and family breakdown does not doom a child to failure. But family structure plainly matters. Children generally do best when they grow up in secure, committed homes, and boys in particular often seem to suffer when that stability is missing.

This point is reinforced by another CSJ study, which found that just two in ten poor white children live with married parents, compared with almost six in ten poor children from ethnic minority backgrounds. That is a striking gap. Stable family life does not solve every problem, but it gives children a far stronger foundation. Where fathers are present, involved and committed, boys are much more likely to thrive.

The charities consulted by the CSJ repeatedly identified fathers as the most likely and most influential role model for boys. This is not to diminish the remarkable work done by mothers, including the many who raise sons alone with great devotion. But fathers often offer something distinctive: a model of male identity, and an example of how to channel strength, anger, responsibility and emotional struggle in constructive ways.

This matters because boys are looking for an example of what kind of man they should become. Fathers help shape that picture. They are central to a boy’s sense of identity. A loving and steady father-son relationship can help a boy grow in confidence, emotional balance and self-discipline. Research cited in the report suggests that boys with positive relationships with their fathers are more likely to do better in education, work and relationships later in life. (1)

The reverse is also true. When fathers are absent, boys are more likely to struggle. Studies have found worse outcomes in education, employment, mental health and family life for boys who grow up without their fathers.

There are echoes of this problem in Ireland as well. The Watch Them Grow report on children’s experiences of parental separation shows how difficult family breakdown can be for children and how important it is that both parents remain meaningfully involved in their lives wherever possible. We may not discuss this issue enough, but that does not make it any less real.

If we are serious about helping boys, we cannot focus only on schools, screens or mental health services, important though these are. We also need to speak again about fathers, commitment and family stability. Boys need love, discipline, encouragement and example. Above all, they need men in their lives who are present, dependable and willing to show them how to become good men.

NOTE

(1) Sarah McLanahan et al, The Causal Effects of Father Absence, Annual Review of Sociology (2013); Hine et al, Teachers’ experiences of the impact of fatherlessness on male pupils (2022).