Brutte notizie da Dublino

Newsflash! Dublin has been hit by a mysterious vomiting virus, and authorities are baffled at how to resolve it. Over the past number of months growing evidence has pointed to a sinister vomiting bug which seems to attach itself to the intestines of males between the ages of 14 and 40. The remnants of this bug can be seen strewn in doorways all over the city, outside fast food outlets, and has a particular liking for busstops and the nite link.

Friday nights are the worst according to the Institute of Vomit Research based in DCU, it appears that young males of a white collar variety are particularly vulnerable at this time. So, the young men of the IFSC have attempted to tackle this problem, by drinking copious amounts of alcohol between the hours of 6 and 8, running outside for a quick slash and a spew, thus clearing stomach and bladder for a good night on the town.

The government have acknowledged the seriousness of the situation, and have apparently discovered a link between this mysterious bacteria and smirnoff ice, especially if consumed in pint form. an information pack containing breath freshner, a paer bag and instructions on the safest way to spew will be sent to all households in the coming weeks along with some iodine tablets.

The matter is expected to be high on the agenda in the Noonan/Ahern head to head. Be aware dear followers and be careful, this vomit has been known to burn it's way through the soles of even the strongest shoes!!